Wednesday, October 9, 2019

Sneaky Sneaky

There is little joy in beating our parallel team Rekickulous.  We came out firing and swung for the fences on a damp, soaked, and muddy field.  We stole another championship like a thieves in the night.  From our count that was the big Two Oh.  20.  Twenty cups.  Truthfully thats a crazy number.  To all the Jorts that came before, and probably the very few that will come afterwards....that win was for you.  Well, for most of you.  Especially all you ghosts out there. 

On a side note, whoever made those brownies that Rekickulous tossed at us...those were delicious! Someone knows how to bake!

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

New Faces Same Places

This year we've lost a lot of old faces.  On the other hand, we picked up a lot of new players to fill the gaps. The growing pains are real, but we've managed to stay competitive.  Damn we are old.  Number 19 everyone.  Another squeaker of a final.

Friday, January 18, 2019

Its Been Two Years Since The Last Post?!? Good Lord!!

Hhhhmmm...its been...awhile...anyway, we rotated skippers, and added 2 more championships.  We've added teammates and subtracted teammates.  Hell we've even had interim teammates from other teams...Im not sure how long this ride is going to last, but hopefully until at least we hit 20 'ships.


Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Walk It Off

We slipped into the finals after Walkfest 2017, where both teams walked in a ton of runs in the final innings.  The ball was literally a big red egg, and with the field being the lumpiest thing this side of my pants.  Pitching straight was near impossible.  Anyway, we played Kiet's team in the finals, and squeaked out a win for number 16.  Congratulations to Kiet's team, who've quickly become a force to be reckoned with.  I'm sure we'll be seeing you again in the post season in the coming months.  I'm also sure that probably after an argument on a close foul ball or after someone getting run over at first base, our teams will become arch enemies.  So we have that to look forward to as well.  On another note, I've seen my first pair of pink jorts....damn!


Friday, July 14, 2017

The Opposite Of Dry

Wet.  That's it.  It was dry and then it was wet.  The skies in Philly decided to open up slightly in the semis, and then fully open the faucet for the finals.  It was by far the wettest kickball playoff game I can remember.  The mound started to flood.  Third base became a pit.  First base turned into quicksand.  The ball turned into a glass bauble you couldn't grab or literally do anything with .  The whole park was beyond Thunderdome.  It was marvelous.

We had a bunch of firsts in a night loaded with nostalgia.  Our first female designated hitter.  Props to Bre bunkering down on the bench wrapped in a towel under the only umbrella, refusing to do anything but bat because she was present and had to for the sake of rules.  That's a serious Boss.  Donna played every inning in what I believe is her first championship.  Very, very nice.  (Good luck on the exam, even though you don't need it)  It might have been the first medal we won with our Skip on vacation in sunny sunny Mexico?  Leanne better be eating her weight in burritos... A ball got over Gavin's head and slipped out of his hands... Hell, that man even slid into home plate during a bang/bang play and didn't even rupture a tendon or compound fracture a bone.  Fascinating.  Speaking of slides, there were slides all over the place.  Double cleats up slide into second?   Why not.  Head fucking first into home plate?  Hell yeah!  (He was thrown out though on a lights out relay from Greg).  The weather turned what is usually a deathtrap of a field into a no injury wonderland.

Anyway, all the guys we played on both teams were at least 6'5".  I can only assume they eat the bones of smaller people.  Everyones' jorts weighed a collective and soaking 400lbs.  It was wild.  For the first time in a very long time both teams we faced employed female pitchers the entire game. Wait your team doesn't want to be a bunch of wankers and pitch the ball 50 mph in a co-ed league?  You seriously want everyone to be able to hit?  Good for you guys.  When I commented on this fact in the finals, the third basemen literally said, "yeah, it should be a defensive struggle, not a pitching contest...".  Bravo.  It's nice to see at least some teams don't want Philly kickball to turn in DC kickball.  Speaking of pitching, KimP killed it on the mound, only allowing really one good hit in 14 collective innings.  The ref has been cracking down on the "junk" being piped down the lane, phenomenal job either way for throwing in three inches of muddy water.

As for the nostalgia part, all I could think of was how much the Ghost of Jacob would have loved this game...shanking one hit after another into the air.  It was an instant classic.  Im not lying when I say I could literally hear Juliet yelling at Jared from the mound:

Juliet:  I'm wet...Its raining...
Jared: Just pitch the ball!
Juliet:  Fuck you!#$%@# stops for 15 minutes as heated argument ensues and everyone stands in the rain....

So it was and will be...correct me if Im wrong old Gods of the Jorts, but I believe that's #15.  We didn't record #14 because...well...we just didn't.  And we bowed out last session in the semis cause we were coming off an 8 straight championship streak in two different leagues.  We finally lost the hunger, and were long overdue for a loss.  But the Jorts are back!  And we took it in a monsoon!  Godamn!  Dorts are back! least for the moment.  I gotta hang dry this uniform out. Seriously, never wash your jorts...never.

And you all looked very pulchritudinous last night in the rain....

Not a dry dort in the house

 Look at that baseline swamp...


 Now that is a champion

Yeah bite that medal!

Drying out

 Leave you with a parting shot of Greg

And a parting shot of Pita...that killer

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Cherry Springs

Some of us decided to drive 5 hours north to stargaze at Cherry Springs State Park.  Little did we know it was going to pour the entire weekend.  Which meant there was zero stars to be seen both nights.  However, the inside of my tent stayed mostly dry and the park itself was beautiful.   Nice hiking trails and a wonderful layout to view the galaxy just added to the awesomeness.  Anyway, we plan to go back.

Friday, August 19, 2016

As Is Tradition...

After vanquishing the #1 seed in the semi finals (9-1...what happened there?), the Jorts faced a familiar foe in the finals.  The competition was a fierce, hungry, and well matched adversary.  Similar lineups, positioning and hitting style created a final for the ages, as the lead changed multiple times on great hits, costly errors and gutsy base running.  Truth be told, that juiced and mostly round kickball ruled the night, allowing for quick throws and searing hits.  Sadly we won 6-5 on a walk in run, which is no way to win a championship.  However, with the bases loaded, at the end of the day, you still need to get the ball somewhat near the plate.  We don't believe in bunting and Mike would have kicked it if it was anywhere near the zone.  Not to mention we were away and the other team had a chance to tie it up in the bottom of the 7th, which they almost did, as we recorded the final out with the bases packed.  Anyway, big shout outs to Corinn, our finals MVP for a badly needed monster hit that drove in a couple RBIs, to Bre for being our super solid swing player and filling in all season long (I believe she needs to go on a date with Fuckface McSniffHair if she doesn't fully join), and to Bob for his last run.  He unbelievably went 6-0 over 2 years and several different fields.  If that's not a hall of fame stat i don't know what is.  Plus he only fired like 2 or 3 people from the team, which I'm sure must have been the toughest part for him.  

 Every once and a while kickball gets real.  That's what #11 looks like...that and Jake's back...I'll miss Cletus when he's gone...